The Epitome of Bravery

A Retired Green Beret talks about bravery and it isn't about being on the battlefield.

Last weekend, I took part in a First Responder Mental Health Summit put on by Heart of Horse Sense in North Carolina. Heart of Horse Sense rescues horses and provides equine therapy for everyone from juvenile delinquents and gang members to veterans to individuals experiencing grief. I am working on a Substack for my experience, but in the meantime, I wanted to share a speech given by retired Green Beret Don Scully. This guy has bronze stars, a purple heart, and a shadow box full of medals and accomplishments. He suffers from PTSD. He is a warrior in every single sense of the word. I could say more about this amazing guy but I’ll let his own words speak for him.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Thank you, each of you, for coming to the inaugural First Responders’ Summit here at Heart of Horse Sense. Service is a calling; there is nothing more defining, courageous, or brave. Bravery is measured by how much someone is willing to be vulnerable. We will be asking every one of you to be vulnerable today. This is a safe place. The traumas in this room are shared by all, and no one is alone.

I want to speak to you today on stigma and resilience. Stigma is defined as something to overcome; resilience is something you have inside you that helps you face adversity. Stigma is largely shaped by environment, almost certainly within the first responders’ culture, in which negative stereotypes about people or behaviors are ingrained. Stigmas are based on fear and a lack of understanding. Stigma is external and is largely our environment. Resilience is a combination of personal factors such as coping mechanisms, a positive mindset, a positive support system, and individual past experience. Resilience is based on one’s inner strength. Resilience is internal and is founded on choices you make.

Those distinctions are important because who you will be tomorrow depends on three factors:

-Habits you adopt or end,

- Who you spend time with,

- And conversations you engage in

Sadly, stigma tends to be common in your community, just like mine. We veterans and first responders have been taught to value strength and independence…to handle problems on our own when they arise. No one taught us what to do when we can’t deal with issues on our own, and thus we feel hopeless, helpless, and ashamed. We self-medicate the only way we know how, we abuse substances, just like we did every weekend, every BBQ after work, or days off while we were immersed in the culture we love, or left, and now find ourselves alone without. As a result, we’re left fearful of seeking hope for what others may think of us, that we are weak. So we hide our moral injuries behind substance abuse and deny that anything is wrong. You first responders here today have come to learn how to break the habits, the self-doubts, the negative perceptions of self, and the resultant identity conflicts. You no longer want to surrender yourselves to the dark abyss of addiction or poor mental health. You want to adopt new habits, you want to seek support, and you want to improve your mental health. You may have even tasted success and hunger for more. Most importantly, you know you are not alone. As a recovering alcoholic myself, I know firsthand the habits to break and stigmas to overcome and go from black-out drunk every day to clean and sober these past 11 years. I know the stigmas associated with the machismo attitudes of being part of an elite and select few. I’m proud to share in those accomplishments with those of you here with us, and I am humbled by the journey each of you has taken. Those external stems hold no sway over us now. Our past no longer defines our future. We do.

Who we spend time with and the conversations we engage in hand in hand with one another. After all, it makes sense that we tend to converse with those we spend our time with. And, just as we did not give hugs in the team room, I’m certain it is the same in your squad room, engine house, or wherever it was you mustered. Who we choose to spend time with, however, has perhaps the greatest impact upon our lives, certainly on our recovery, our habits, and our conversations. Oftentimes, the company we keep is the result of shared behaviors, fear of judgment, social isolation, or enabling behaviors. However, spending time with people who support you, hold you accountable for your actions, help you overcome any obstacles you may face, and aid you in changing your goals, values, and activities. They help you find a new life. They are a positive influence that allows you the pace and time to internalize, initiate, and sustain your recovery. They help you become resilient with strong, healthy relationships and positive conversations. Every day has a new meaning. You have learned from the past. You are hopeful and positive. You take care of yourself and most importantly, you are no longer afraid to have a hard conversation with yourselves and each other to take positive action. You are now equipped to challenge the negative stereotypes and cope with the stigmas you suffer from your sacrifice and selfless service. Resilience mitigates stigma, and as a Green Beret, I know resilience when I see it. I see it in the eyes of each of you before me today.

In closing, I want to again congratulate each of you for reaching this stage of your journey. It will be a choice you make every day. I ask you to look around the room. When you’re having a hard day, the people you see here are just a handful ready to help you stand back up and remind you you’re not alone. Before I close, I wish to leave you with this thought: “Effort is the difference between failure and success.” Enjoy the success you’ve earned today and continue earning success tomorrow and the next day.

Don Scully’s shadow box. It’s kinda cool cuz you can see the reflection of him and his wife (who is also a veteran with PTSD) in the background.

If you call yourself weak, then you are calling this guy weak. I dare you to. His message is so important and one that I have been harping on - find your people and connect. Connection is where hope, life, and healing live.