So grateful Irena recommended your Substack (and book—my god: so good!). I had a very similar experience with Excel when I found myself working for the Army, on a Missile Range, as an Operations Research and Systems Analyst, despite my background being in clinical forensic psychology. Anyway, I had to learn to make Excel my bitch, and it was an incredibly frustrating, monotonous, and gratifying endeavor. If you ever need any help with Excel, please reach out!
Try not to let your eyes roll too far into your noodle with this next line, one I never thought I would find myself saying/typing: it is an incredibly robust and valuable tool (and that’s coming from a Peak Millennial with a similar habit of creating with pen and paper what exists in front of my face on a screen).
Your words are so powerful, Christy. I marvel at your ability to not only identify what you're feeling, but to describe it so fully. You nailed grief, and I cried while reading your description. Enjoy your new job - you have a wonderful boss! Carol
Carol your support means so much to me. I think you are my #1 fan. And you are so right - I have an amazing boss! I would have never been able to do this without her.
what is so great about reading your writings, is that I can HEAR you saying what you are writing. I can FEEL your heart, your humor. I can SEE the expressions of humor and sadness and "aha" on your face. Thank you. Thank you for continuously doing the work and sharing it with the world!
Your podcast and literature are often referred to up at the West Coast Post Trauma Retreat. The pay for volunteering there is the dopamine you get when driving away, relationships with exemplary peers established and the often radiant faces of clients after 6 days. The work there continues but the price for admission is usually a career ending PTSI. 'You are not alone' is a major theme. Thank you for your contributions.
You already know how much I love you and your writing and your I'm-struggling-but-still-funny-as-hell courage but this is next-level good. Like, seriously, seriously good. (Also, I'm not sure what would terrify me more: jumping out of a perfectly good airplane or confronting an Excel spreadsheet on a PC.) Your ability to follow the pinging ball in your head and to understand what it's doing and to write about it and to reach a place of wisdom and acceptance while still working through grief AND being funny as hell? Well, that's a gift, and I hope you continue to share it, and yourself, with the world. xo
You are my writing hero and I know for sure that I wouldn’t still be writing if it weren’t for you. When I grow up, I want to be like Irena - and that’s a fact.
I loved reading this. The feeling, the evoked compassion, the view into such a different world, different from mine as a lifetime Excel jockey (me). Can't wait to read more. Well done!
Thank you so much! I’m so impressed with anyone who can master something that has a short-cut/cheat sheet that is 12 pages long! Thank you for reading!
It’s hard not to wonder what the sirens are going to. I live near a firehouse, in earshot of a major city thoroughfare that all the emergency vehicles use to get to the freeway, and I can tell when it’s a medical, it’s an accident, it’s a pursuit, it’s a FIRE. I spend a lot of time in retirement in my backyard doing remote work, but also hearing sirens all day. I know your dream job was taken from you too soon. I get wistful sometimes when I pull up next to a fire truck because I NEVER got to do that job. I wave if they look over and that makes me more sad. What a dream job, to have people just look at you and thank you with a wave. I’d be in a different life for sure. If I walked into a job and had no f’ing idea what I was doing I’d start spinning too. Kudos to you for slowing it down and just slowly absorbing it. Hugs to you and Harriet!
Funny how our brains wire themselves and we unconsciously learn all that stuff - like we know what call the sirens are responding to. And hugs to you and Reba!
Great article. Retired cop here who catches himself watching all the true crime shows and proceeds to yell at the tv about how they are screwing up the investigation. It’s ok to miss it, we were doing Gods Work and it is now time for someone else to pick up the torch and run. If it helps you can always watch “Emergency “ or “Backdraft!” With Harriet!!
Some things run in the family I guess like fear and loathing of Excel spreadsheets and love of solitaire. Lovely writing as usual my dear, I feel you and am proud of you for not giving up. It's so hard to let go of what you love to do and what you feel fulfills you. I just know you'll find the next thing.
Ah Excel, the curse of my existence. I feel your pain. Thank you for sharing Christy. I’m not sure you could have picked two careers that are more different. Remember you do puzzles for fun, figuring this out will be just as easy for you.
HAHA puzzles don’t have a “short-cut'/cheat-sheet that is 12 pages long! LOL! I have no doubt you are an Excel master. And thank you Patty, your support has always been a voice in the back of my head.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this. I am newly divorced and have moved to Oakland from a very rural part of California. Things are sort of coming together, but I am waiting out the long process of background checks for a job in dispatch, and it seems like it's taking forever. In the meantime, I feel useless and like there's no place for me here in the city. All I want is to be able to use the skills I have and feel like I have a purpose to serve the greater good, but instead I'm longing for that place in the world I used to occupy before everything changed. NOT that I want to go back to how things were generally, but geez. Anyway, I feel you. We can get through this stuff, but in the meantime, embrace the suck, right?
So grateful Irena recommended your Substack (and book—my god: so good!). I had a very similar experience with Excel when I found myself working for the Army, on a Missile Range, as an Operations Research and Systems Analyst, despite my background being in clinical forensic psychology. Anyway, I had to learn to make Excel my bitch, and it was an incredibly frustrating, monotonous, and gratifying endeavor. If you ever need any help with Excel, please reach out!
Try not to let your eyes roll too far into your noodle with this next line, one I never thought I would find myself saying/typing: it is an incredibly robust and valuable tool (and that’s coming from a Peak Millennial with a similar habit of creating with pen and paper what exists in front of my face on a screen).
Your words are so powerful, Christy. I marvel at your ability to not only identify what you're feeling, but to describe it so fully. You nailed grief, and I cried while reading your description. Enjoy your new job - you have a wonderful boss! Carol
Carol your support means so much to me. I think you are my #1 fan. And you are so right - I have an amazing boss! I would have never been able to do this without her.
what is so great about reading your writings, is that I can HEAR you saying what you are writing. I can FEEL your heart, your humor. I can SEE the expressions of humor and sadness and "aha" on your face. Thank you. Thank you for continuously doing the work and sharing it with the world!
Nicki!!! Thank you SOOO much for your amazing and kind words. I freakin’ think the world of you so this means so much.
I think you're fabulous! Keep on keepin on!! xx's
Thank you!
Your podcast and literature are often referred to up at the West Coast Post Trauma Retreat. The pay for volunteering there is the dopamine you get when driving away, relationships with exemplary peers established and the often radiant faces of clients after 6 days. The work there continues but the price for admission is usually a career ending PTSI. 'You are not alone' is a major theme. Thank you for your contributions.
You already know how much I love you and your writing and your I'm-struggling-but-still-funny-as-hell courage but this is next-level good. Like, seriously, seriously good. (Also, I'm not sure what would terrify me more: jumping out of a perfectly good airplane or confronting an Excel spreadsheet on a PC.) Your ability to follow the pinging ball in your head and to understand what it's doing and to write about it and to reach a place of wisdom and acceptance while still working through grief AND being funny as hell? Well, that's a gift, and I hope you continue to share it, and yourself, with the world. xo
You are my writing hero and I know for sure that I wouldn’t still be writing if it weren’t for you. When I grow up, I want to be like Irena - and that’s a fact.
Love your writing! I can hear your voice and see your expressions! Your boss thinks you are a freaking rockstar, as do your colleagues. 😊♥️
My Boss is a freakin’ rockstar!!!
I loved reading this. The feeling, the evoked compassion, the view into such a different world, different from mine as a lifetime Excel jockey (me). Can't wait to read more. Well done!
Thank you so much! I’m so impressed with anyone who can master something that has a short-cut/cheat sheet that is 12 pages long! Thank you for reading!
It’s hard not to wonder what the sirens are going to. I live near a firehouse, in earshot of a major city thoroughfare that all the emergency vehicles use to get to the freeway, and I can tell when it’s a medical, it’s an accident, it’s a pursuit, it’s a FIRE. I spend a lot of time in retirement in my backyard doing remote work, but also hearing sirens all day. I know your dream job was taken from you too soon. I get wistful sometimes when I pull up next to a fire truck because I NEVER got to do that job. I wave if they look over and that makes me more sad. What a dream job, to have people just look at you and thank you with a wave. I’d be in a different life for sure. If I walked into a job and had no f’ing idea what I was doing I’d start spinning too. Kudos to you for slowing it down and just slowly absorbing it. Hugs to you and Harriet!
Funny how our brains wire themselves and we unconsciously learn all that stuff - like we know what call the sirens are responding to. And hugs to you and Reba!
Congrats on the new gig! Keep telling us all about it 🩷
Thank you Lisa Cheek!!!!
Will think of you when I hear sirens, and open a spreadsheet.
LOL you crack me up!
Great article. Retired cop here who catches himself watching all the true crime shows and proceeds to yell at the tv about how they are screwing up the investigation. It’s ok to miss it, we were doing Gods Work and it is now time for someone else to pick up the torch and run. If it helps you can always watch “Emergency “ or “Backdraft!” With Harriet!!
Thank you my brother. That is why I write this - so many of us struggle after the job is over. I miss you!
Some things run in the family I guess like fear and loathing of Excel spreadsheets and love of solitaire. Lovely writing as usual my dear, I feel you and am proud of you for not giving up. It's so hard to let go of what you love to do and what you feel fulfills you. I just know you'll find the next thing.
Thank you mom! Your support means a lot!
Ah Excel, the curse of my existence. I feel your pain. Thank you for sharing Christy. I’m not sure you could have picked two careers that are more different. Remember you do puzzles for fun, figuring this out will be just as easy for you.
HAHA puzzles don’t have a “short-cut'/cheat-sheet that is 12 pages long! LOL! I have no doubt you are an Excel master. And thank you Patty, your support has always been a voice in the back of my head.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this. I am newly divorced and have moved to Oakland from a very rural part of California. Things are sort of coming together, but I am waiting out the long process of background checks for a job in dispatch, and it seems like it's taking forever. In the meantime, I feel useless and like there's no place for me here in the city. All I want is to be able to use the skills I have and feel like I have a purpose to serve the greater good, but instead I'm longing for that place in the world I used to occupy before everything changed. NOT that I want to go back to how things were generally, but geez. Anyway, I feel you. We can get through this stuff, but in the meantime, embrace the suck, right?
Thank you for reading! Cities take FOREVER to hire. It’s insane how long they take. I’m sorry about your divorce, hang in there.
Thank you Bob! You are so correct about all that transpires on magic mountain. Thank you for your service up there.