Christy, I am so moved by your story. The way you wrote it you brought all of us with you, and we are in the ambulance with you while you are present with a person and not in the past or the future with her. Presence is everything. Your heart touched her heart, and it was such a gift for her. To be a witness is a powerful thing, and it always marks us. Yes, do the therapy, do the talking, do the crying. That is her gift to you, that you are a full human person.
Your presence with the patient in the ambulance was a gift of humanity. While there is an ongoing toll on you, and may you continue to find ways to treat your PTSD. even though medical technology might not have been able to “save” her, you made a positive difference in her life.
You, my friend, are a freaking superhero. You've been through decades of unimaginable, relentless trauma—day after day after day—and instead of letting it kill you, you reached out for help, and listened and talked and shared, and now you're helping more people than you'll probably ever know by continuing to share your experiences. I wholeheartedly agree with the other comments—even if the woman with the pulmonary embolism passed, she had someone warm and funny and compassionate fully focused on her in the last minutes of her life, and that's a gift.
I feel like you pulled me aside and shared something important with me--and I am so honored that you did. Of course that lady shows up for you--it meant something that you were there for her no matter what she knew about her own remaining minutes. Life is so hard, isn't it? We get through it all by sharing our stories...thank you for yours.
It was important for her to talk to you. To remind herself that she had a place in this world, where she came from mattered, and at that moment, she made the best of that situation for herself and you helped her accomplish that. That human connection meant more than what might have been a harsh truth. At that time, you did the right thing by just being Christy. 🥰 If she passed, her last meaningful connection was an engaging and loving human one, not panic and fright as to what lie ahead. Now go get some EMDR and slam that book shut on your doubts! (That shit hella works…)
It was important for her to talk to you. To remind herself that had a place in this world, where she came from mattered, and at that moment, she made the best of that situation for herself and you helped her accomplish that. That human connection meant more than what might have been a harsh truth. At that time, you did the right thing by just being Christy. 🥰 If she passed, her last meaningful connection was an engaging and loving human one, not panic and fright as to what lie ahead. Now go get some EMDR and slam that book shut on your doubts! (That shit hella works…)
Did you feel alone when you were talking to the woman in the ambulance? I’m sure she didn’t. Not all connection comes with words. You opened your heart to hers and gave both of yohua great gift. Do you read Ann Lamott’s column in the Washington Post? You are starting to write like her. That the best compliment a writer could get.
Every time I think the nightmares have gone for good, they return. Traumatic incidents and PTSI's leave deep scars. Most importantly for First Responders, is how those wounds have healed. Have anger and maladaptive coping strategies festered the damage? Or has time, compassion, gratitude and forgiveness helped towards healing those wounds? Christy's admonition that we are 'not alone' and sharing how we got there, has helped so many.
I love this and you. And I will add this: that women had the very best human - the very best - sitting and talking with her in the back of that ambulance.
Christy, I am so moved by your story. The way you wrote it you brought all of us with you, and we are in the ambulance with you while you are present with a person and not in the past or the future with her. Presence is everything. Your heart touched her heart, and it was such a gift for her. To be a witness is a powerful thing, and it always marks us. Yes, do the therapy, do the talking, do the crying. That is her gift to you, that you are a full human person.
Thank you Linda Joy, you warm my heart.
Your presence with the patient in the ambulance was a gift of humanity. While there is an ongoing toll on you, and may you continue to find ways to treat your PTSD. even though medical technology might not have been able to “save” her, you made a positive difference in her life.
So beautiful and moving, Christy. Thank you for sharing your heart ND soul with us. And for sharing it with her.
Thank you Donna!!
You, my friend, are a freaking superhero. You've been through decades of unimaginable, relentless trauma—day after day after day—and instead of letting it kill you, you reached out for help, and listened and talked and shared, and now you're helping more people than you'll probably ever know by continuing to share your experiences. I wholeheartedly agree with the other comments—even if the woman with the pulmonary embolism passed, she had someone warm and funny and compassionate fully focused on her in the last minutes of her life, and that's a gift.
Thank you for sharing yourself with all of us. xo
Thank you for always listening Irena.
I feel like you pulled me aside and shared something important with me--and I am so honored that you did. Of course that lady shows up for you--it meant something that you were there for her no matter what she knew about her own remaining minutes. Life is so hard, isn't it? We get through it all by sharing our stories...thank you for yours.
Thank you so much Cindy!
This is beautifully written. Great insight to a first responder brain. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you Audra!!!
It was important for her to talk to you. To remind herself that she had a place in this world, where she came from mattered, and at that moment, she made the best of that situation for herself and you helped her accomplish that. That human connection meant more than what might have been a harsh truth. At that time, you did the right thing by just being Christy. 🥰 If she passed, her last meaningful connection was an engaging and loving human one, not panic and fright as to what lie ahead. Now go get some EMDR and slam that book shut on your doubts! (That shit hella works…)
Thank you Jen! And that EMDR shit does hella work!!
It was important for her to talk to you. To remind herself that had a place in this world, where she came from mattered, and at that moment, she made the best of that situation for herself and you helped her accomplish that. That human connection meant more than what might have been a harsh truth. At that time, you did the right thing by just being Christy. 🥰 If she passed, her last meaningful connection was an engaging and loving human one, not panic and fright as to what lie ahead. Now go get some EMDR and slam that book shut on your doubts! (That shit hella works…)
Did you feel alone when you were talking to the woman in the ambulance? I’m sure she didn’t. Not all connection comes with words. You opened your heart to hers and gave both of yohua great gift. Do you read Ann Lamott’s column in the Washington Post? You are starting to write like her. That the best compliment a writer could get.
You give me courage. You have since the first day I met you. I think it might be time to start writing my stories, too.
Yes!!!!!
I am so grateful you wrote this and I got to read it. It will be in my mind and heart for a long time. Thank you.
Thank you so much Ginny for reading and your comment ❤️
You are a powerful writer and amazing person. I feel inspired to write more of MY truths by wading yours.
Yay!! Thank you!!
Every time I think the nightmares have gone for good, they return. Traumatic incidents and PTSI's leave deep scars. Most importantly for First Responders, is how those wounds have healed. Have anger and maladaptive coping strategies festered the damage? Or has time, compassion, gratitude and forgiveness helped towards healing those wounds? Christy's admonition that we are 'not alone' and sharing how we got there, has helped so many.
Thank you Bob 🙏🏼
I’m so filled with emotion, Christy. I don’t have any words right now but I love every single one of yours ❤️
This seriously brings water to my eyes. I adore you!!
Wow. That was powerful Christy. I can relate to your experience in so many ways. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Teri. I know you can 100% relate.
I love this and you. And I will add this: that women had the very best human - the very best - sitting and talking with her in the back of that ambulance.
❤️❤️❤️Thank you Amy for this and for ALL your love.